Pedestrian Traffic Flow

I hate department stores. And I'll tell you why.

Imagine the typical layout of a department store for a moment...

Yeah, I know it's a grocery store, but the principle's the same.

Notice that there are many different places for people to walk or push carts and strollers: big, wide lanes around the outer ring, many aisles containing many different foodstuffs, plus various alleys and shortcuts to different departments. Seems simple enough.

Now ask yourself this: does this setup remind you of anything?

Hmm?

It sure reminds me of a city road system. I mean, think about it: the larger lanes around the outside are the highways, the various aisles are the local streets, and the shortcuts are alleys and driveways. And that's how I tend to treat department stores.

Now, when we learn to drive, we learn that there are certain rules to driving, and a certain 'flow' that traffic must take.

Whoa...heavy, man.

Now, these rules, such as 'slower traffic stay to the right,' and 'don't come to a stop in the middle of an intersection,' help traffic to flow much safer and smoother, and (when they're followed, at least) help to prevent accidents and keep drivers happy and peaceful.

Until some asshole in a Prius cuts you off on an on-ramp, that is...

But for some stupid reason, when people get out of their cars, this concept of traffic flow just goes right out the fucking window.

In the department store, people are walking right towards each other in the same lane, blocking aisles with their carts while they wander off for orange juice, walking at a snail's pace down the middle of the aisle, preventing anyone else from going around them. Which seriously pisses me off.

And, see, this kind of inconsideracy is generally annoying anywhere, like parks, or sidewalks, or sculpture gardens, or other places like that. But when you're in a department store, or grocery store, that annoyance is exacerbated, because you're in a confined space. You don't have the option of cutting across the lawn or the street to get around the slow people.

Which is why the Minneapolis Skyway system frustrated me so much.

And the fact that some people out there just don't get it is what drives me crazy.

...

I feel better now.

Good night, boys and girls.

Just A Short Notice

Ahoy, boys and girls, Captain Panda here again, with just a short notice about the (potential) state of upcoming posts on Eats Shoots and Leaves:

If you'll notice...

I was diagnosed with clinical depression a few years ago (in case you couldn't already tell) Like many people who have clinical depression, my sad and lonely feelings tend to get worse during the winter months. I don't have Seasonal Affective Disorder or anything like that, it just seems to get worse when it gets colder. I don't know why, and I don't really care why. I just try to deal.

So, why am I telling you this? Well, unfortunately, as my depression gets worse, my posts will most likely get more depressing in direct proportion. It just kinda happens. I'll do my best to keep things as light-hearted and interesting as I can, but I won't be able to stop all of the depressing posts. Sorry. Fair warning.

So, that's all I have. Just wanted to put that out there. Until next time, boys and girls!

A Political Interlude: The Second Amendment

Ahoy there, boys and girls! Captain Panda here!

In just a few days, the people of the United States will come together and collectively choose the people who will run our great country for the next four years. Well, sort of. I mean, there's the whole thing about the popular vote, and the electoral college, and all that crap, which I don't really understand, and am not going to waste time on in this post. Unfortunately, since I'm currently living in fucking Wisconsin, I will be unable to vote this time around because I won't be able to make it back to my polling place, and was unable to make it to vote absentee.

And all I can do is watch and hope that this harmful amendment doesn't pass. Vote No.

In the weeks leading up to the elections, the amount of political ads have skyrocketed (as they always do) and we Americans have been bombarded with spinster messages and hateful ads trying to tell us who we should vote for. Like many, I am really sick of all of the political ads, and just want the election to be over so I don't have to hear about it anymore.

Make it stop, MAKE IT STOP!

But I was watching a YouTube video recently, and an ad interrupted the video that caught my attention. It was an ad for some Wisconsin senatorial candidate, and was talking about how, in a recent Supreme Court vote, the Second Amendment to the Constitution was saved from repeal by only one vote.

Whether it's true or not, it scared the hell out of me.

Now, before you freak out, let me talk a little bit and explain.

I grew up in an outdoor family. We camped, we fished, and yes, we hunted. I've been around firearms for most of my life. I enjoy shooting, I own a couple of guns, and I know how to properly and safely handle firearms in general. And, yes, I support the Second Amendment.

But even if I didn't, the idea of repealing the Second Amendment would still scare me to death.

To understand what I'm talking about, let's look at the actual text of the Second Amendment to the United States Constitution:

There are two big reasons that this Amendment became controversial. Firstly, as the United States Armed Forces became larger and more well armed, the idea of a private militia became unnecessary. Since the Army has bases all over the country and modern transportation methods can get troops across the country in a matter of hours, our country is pretty well secured against outsiders.

The second reason is that, when the original amendment was drafted, firearms were still rather primitive. The standard issue weapon for the British Army at the time was the Brown Bess Musket.

Six feet long, .75 caliber. Kinda scary.

The Brown Bess was a single shot weapon with a smooth bore. This meant that the shot was not very accurate and took a full minute to reload. Which is fine if that's all you have.

But as technology and manufacturing improved, firearms began to improve as well. We soon went from single-shot weapons to revolvers, repeating rifles, semi-automatics, and eventually full-auto firearms.

Like this .50 caliber M2 Browning machine gun. Gosh, it's pretty.

With that kind of firepower available, people started to ask, "Why would a private citizen need anything like that? Why do private citizens need guns at all?" And so, the arguments began, and the Second Amendment is in jeopardy.

But here's the thing that scares me: the Second Amendment doesn't say anything about 'firearms.'

Here, read it again:

Does the word 'firearms' appear anywhere in this amendment? No. All it talks about is '...the right to keep and bear arms...'

Now let me expand on why it terrifies me:

Imagine for a moment, that sometime in the near future, the Second Amendment is repealed, and private citizens are forced to surrender their guns.

Now imagine that some smart-ass politician realizes that the wording of the Second Amendment doesn't specify firearms. What's to stop him from deciding that it is illegal to own any sort of weapon?

Now citizens are being forced to surrender pocket knives, kitchen knives, baseball bats, golf clubs, tennis rackets, hatchets, axes, hand saws, chainsaws, crowbars, pry bars, household chemicals, paperweights and anything else that could cause harm to another human being.

She's got heavy books! Get her!

Go ahead and call me paranoid if you want to, but this sort of thought process has happened all over the world many times before.

Like this...

Or this...

It's just one step on the way to tyranny. And that, dear readers, is why the idea of repealing the Second Amendment terrifies me.

And now, back to your regularly scheduled light-hearted programming.

The resemblance is uncanny...